It’s a new year, and maybe things will get better. Honestly, I have hope that things will improve this year even though I’m not a very optimistic person. Why have I suddenly turned into an optimist you might wonder? Actually, I haven’t. Frankly, things are so far gone that they can only get better from here. Let’s review some of last year’s political and social highlights shall we?
Best worst news headlines from 2013 (if the news told the truth):
Cayman islands close… Millions of Republicans now part of the 47%
Georgia Congressman Jack Kingston, who said school kids receiving free lunches should be forced to clean the cafeteria, is now being asked to clean the toilets of his constituents
Many Americans shocked to learn not all brown people are illegal immigrants or terrorists
Republicans claim Obama broke Muslim beliefs to celebrate Christmas and promote his socialist agenda
Megyn Kelly quits Faux News to work for white Santa. Quits when she realizes Rudolph is brown
Megyn Kelly heartbroken after learning Santa isn’t white… or real
Speaker John Boehner signs up for food stamps after learning President Obama signed up for the ACA. Sinks into depression when he learns it doesn’t cover his sunless tanner
George Zimmerman lands book deal, becomes poster boy for Stand Your Ground, hands out Skittles and AriZona Tea at local book signing
Michigan woman finally stops laughing when she realizes the whole “rape insurance” thing wasn’t actually a joke
America grateful Al Jazeera covered too many rape stories from India, leaving no space for U.S. rapes to be acknowledged in the news
America grateful to Russia for being even bigger assholes regarding human rights
Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart send congratulatory gift basket to FOX news, and concede that, when it comes to comedy, FOX takes the cake
Pat Robertson predicts, “the end times are nigh!” (again) after hearing 40 and 60 watt incandescent light bulbs will no longer be sold or manufactured in the U.S.
Thank you to Liberals on Parade for their collaboration with BIAH©